Jokes are us

Top 10 Funniest Jokes Of December

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12/30/20257 min read

December is that enchanting season when the chill sets in, snacks pop up unexpectedly, and the calendar feels like it’s counting down to joy.

Amidst the holiday frenzy, year-end fatigue, and those awkward family interactions, a solid joke becomes essential for survival.

That’s why we’ve compiled the Top 10 Funniest December Jokes-brief, goofy, and sure to make you laugh more than your heater running full blast. So, grab a cozy drink, settle in, and let the December chuckles commence.

1- The Great Christmas Tree Hunt

In December, two happy blondes are off on a fun adventure in the woods, searching for the ideal Christmas tree! They check out every little corner, soaking in the beauty of nature for hours.

Finally, one of them says, "I’m getting a bit worn out and a tad impatient – let’s just pick a tree, even if it’s not all decked out!”

2- Culture War

A Greek and an Irishman were happily sharing tales about their vibrant cultures. "We built the amazing Pantheon and the beautiful Temple of Apollo!" the Greek said proudly.

"Aye, but it was us Irish who discovered the marvels of the Summer and Winter Solstices!" the Irishman replied, grinning.

The Greek nodded and added, "For sure, but let’s not overlook that it was the Greeks who established the foundation for advanced mathematics!"

"Good point," the Irishman conceded, his eyes sparkling. "But we’re the ones who created the very first clocks!"

With a glint in his eye, the son of Athens took the opportunity to assert, "And let’s not forget – it was the ancient Greeks who brought the idea of sex as a pleasurable experience to life!"

"That’s true," laughed the Son of Erin. "But it was the Irish who included the women in the fun!"

A man thinking, suggesting to lift the left leg before midnight to start new year on the right foot.

3- Annual Miami Trip

Two ants made a fantastic plan to meet up every winter in Miami for a fun-filled vacation! Last year, when one ant arrived in Miami, he was absolutely shivering and shaking. The other ant looked at him and exclaimed, "What’s going on with you? Why are you shaking so much?"

The first ant replied, "You won’t believe it! I hitched a ride to Miami on the mustache of a guy on a Harley!"

The second ant shook his head and said, "Oh no, that’s just the worst way to travel! Here’s what you should do next time. Head to the New Jersey airport bar, have a couple of drinks, and while you’re at it, keep an eye out for a lovely stewardess! Crawl up her leg and snuggle in where it’s warm and cozy. Trust me, it’s the best travel method you can imagine!"

The first ant was grateful and promised to give it a shot next winter.

Fast forward a year... When the first ant arrived in Miami again, he was shivering and shaking once more!

The second ant couldn’t help but ask, "Didn’t you try my advice?"

"I sure did!" said the first ant, beaming with excitement. "I went to the New Jersey airport bar, had a couple of drinks, and then this wonderful young stewardess walked in. I crawled right up to her warm, cozy spot, and it was blissful! I got so comfy that I dozed off. But when I woke up, guess what? I found myself back in the mouth of a guy on a Harley!"

4- Fluctuations

I was at the bank today, standing in a short line. There was just one woman ahead of me, an Asian woman, who was trying to swap yen for dollars. It was clear she was a bit annoyed.

She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I got two hunat dolla for my yen. Today, I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?"

The teller just shrugged and replied, "Fluctuations."

The Asian woman then said, "Fluc you white people too!”

Doctor tells a man to poop before midnight on Dec 31st, so he don't hold on to last year's shit.

5- Doctor's Appointment

A woman bursts through the door after her doctor's appointment, absolutely beaming with joy. Her husband, curious about her excitement, asks, "What’s got you grinning like that?"

She replies, "You won't believe it! The doctor said for a 45-year-old woman, I've got the breasts of an 18-year-old!"

With a playful smirk, her husband responds, "Oh really? And what did he say about your 45-year-old ass?"

She shoots back, "Your name didn’t even come up in our chat!”

6- Finally Together

Anne, a dedicated Catholic, embraced family life by marrying and welcoming 15 wonderful children into the world!

After her first husband passed away, she found love again and joyfully added another 15 kids to her growing family!

Just weeks after saying goodbye to her second husband, Anne herself departed this life.

During her lively funeral, the priest gazed upward and proclaimed, "At last, they're finally together!"

From the front row, Anne's sister chimed in, "Excuse me, Father, are you referring to her first husband or the second?"

The priest responded, "I mean her legs!”

Lovers in a warm embrace, featuring funny text about a cheeky holiday trip to northern Norway.

7- Reunion

On their way to a joyous wedding, a young Catholic couple finds themselves in a shocking and devastating car accident. Suddenly, they're sitting outside the Pearly Gates, giddy with anticipation as they wait for St. Peter to process their entry into Heaven.

While sitting there, their minds race with an exciting question: Could they actually get married in Heaven? When St. Peter finally arrives, they eagerly pose the question.

St. Peter grins and replies, “I’m not sure! This is the first time anyone's asked me that. Let me go find out!” and off he goes.

As the couple sits there, their excitement turns into a funny mix of curiosity and impatience. Days turn into weeks, and before they know it, two whole months have gone by! With all that time to think, they start to wonder what might happen if things didn’t turn out as planned-could they get a divorce in Heaven?!

Finally, after yet another month, St. Peter returns, looking a bit disheveled but excited. “Yes!” he announces, “You can absolutely get married in Heaven!”

“Fantastic!” the couple cheers. But then they hesitantly ask, “What about divorce? If things don’t work out, can we get divorced in Heaven?”

Suddenly, St. Peter’s smile vanishes, and he slams his clipboard onto the ground in frustration.

“What’s the matter?” they ask, slightly terrified.

“OH, COME ON!” he exclaims, “It took me three months just to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it’ll take to track down a lawyer?”

8- Bad Luck

At a lively bar one evening, there was a guy just staring at his drink, seemingly lost in thought for what felt like forever!

Suddenly, a boisterous truck driver comes up beside him, snatches the drink right out of his hand, and downed it in one gulp! The poor guy looked devastated and started to cry.

The truck driver, taken aback, chuckled and said, “Ah, come on! I was just messing around! Here, let me buy you another drink. I can’t stand seeing a man in tears!”

The man, wiping his eyes, replied, “It’s not that! Today has been a rollercoaster of despair. It started with me oversleeping and showing up late to work, and my furious boss fired me on the spot. Then, when I headed to my car, I found it had been stolen! The police were of no help. So I jumped in a cab to head home, only to realize I left my wallet back in the cab when I got out. Talk about bad luck! And when I finally reached my house, I walked in to find my wife snuggled up in bed with the gardener! I was ready to throw in the towel, and would you believe it? Just as I was thinking of ending it all, you showed up and drank my poison!”

Funny quote: "Doctor gave me two months. I chose August for summer fun and Dec to celebrate Xmas.

9- Spaghetti

Once upon a time, a very affluent man found himself in a whirlwind romance with a captivating Italian woman. Their affair had been full of excitement and passion for several years! But one fateful night, during one of their secret meetings, she revealed some earth-shattering news—she was pregnant! Fearing for his reputation and the stability of his marriage, he quickly came up with a plan. He offered her a generous amount of money to travel to Italy to have the baby. He promised to take care of child support until the child turned 18, as long as she stayed in Italy.

She agreed but was curious about how he would know when the baby arrived. To keep things under wraps, he suggested she send him a postcard with the word "Spaghetti" written on the back. He would then set up the child support.

Fast forward about nine months, when he returned home to find his wife looking utterly baffled. “Honey,” she exclaimed, waving a postcard, “you received the strangest postcard today!” The heart raced within him as he replied, “Oh, just hand it over! I’ll explain later.”

As she passed it to him, he read the message, and suddenly all the color drained from his face as he fainted! On that postcard was written: “Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Two with meatballs, one without.”

10- Irish Guys In Australia

So, two Irish guys are heading to Australia. Before they set off, one of their dads gives them a little tip: "Watch out for those Aussie cab drivers. They'll clean you out. Don't just pay them what they ask. You need to negotiate."

When they land in Sydney, the Irishmen hop into a cab to get to their hotel. Once they arrive, the cab driver says, "That'll be twenty bucks, lads." "Oh, no way! My dad warned me about you. You’re only getting fifteen bucks from me," one of the guys replies.

"And you’ll only get fifteen from me as well," chimes in the other.

Polar bear with text about being a "bi-polar bear" enjoying summer at North Pole & winters at south.